FEAR

Fear is an interesting thing. It comes as many different things and at many different levels. One fear can be another's dream. Like someone might dream about getting up on stage in the spotlight while it terrifies the other person. Fear, is a weird thing.

As a kid I had fear like most children did. I feared the dark, monsters under my bed, and so on. But as I grew older I realized that my fear didn't keep going, it stopped. Many people my age fear the future, money, or school. But after hearing about so many people and what their "Greatest Fear" is I thought for a moment.

"What is the thing that scares me so badly that I fear it with an uncontrollable passion"

I sat their and thought hardly about it. Wanting to know so I could conquer that, but I never found one. I mean, I hate spiders, small spaces, and stuff like that. I get scared at times but that's all it is. I 'get' scared and it moves on. I jump and get over it.

So honestly, I don't really 'Fear' anything. Then I thought for a moment: "If I have no fear, then can't that be a dangerous thing?" Then it hit me. God created us without fear. I may not fear but I'm not ignorant. I don't fear things but I do not embrace bad things with open arms. I have a little saying, it goes

"If I die, then I die. But I don't want to be calling death's name"

Basically what I'm saying is, I don't fear death, but I'm certainly not going to jump in front of a moving car in hopes that it stops.

Honestly, once I let go the thing's I feared and gave it to God, life got so....Easy. Like a weight was off of my shoulders. Like I can dance in the rain without worrying about if it will hail or not. So, I get scared, I have my moments but I move on.

Fear is annoying and it kept me from making friends, dancing, and getting closer to God. If we refuse to give in to fear then what is their to lose? NOTHING. So kick the annoying weasel away and take back your freaking peace.





Sincerely, the girl with a complex mind.

Sucking at Halo and why I should not have Coffee

Rant

Sometimes, people greatly annoy me. Now, I don't usually rant because I feel like it's complaining and no one wants to see or read that.
But sometimes, I do, I just feel like sometimes I have so many thoughts and annoyances that I need to let out.

Right now my frustration is on many things. And whenever I am frustrated I usually draw, listen to music, or write. Each are my way of expressing myself.
What I am currently, getting tired of is the fact that since I am only 16, people see me as naive and think, my choices and ways, are stupid and illogical.

Like how I choose to wait for marriage to have sex. They usually say that times have changed and you should know what your partner is like in bed before you get married.

Umm, what?! Last time I checked, we CHOOSE to love someone. Not because he was good in bed...

And of course, I also get a lot "Trust me, by the time you're my age, you will want a boyfriend" I'm 16, you all have been saying that since I was 10, and I still have NO need for one. (Why do you want me to have one anyway???)

Then, the occasional "You're christian because your parents have forced their views on you"

Okay, I get that some parents do, do that, but mine never have. They asked me if I wanted too. They don't force me to go to Church or to believe in what they believe. They've always told me that I do have my own opinion and sometimes I might disagree with them and that's fine.

I totally see that they have been forcing their views on me... (Sarcasm)

And with that, I shall be leaving you with this

Sincerely, the girl with a complex mind.

Rhotacism, otherwise known as Elmer Fudd's voice

If you have heard my voice, then you most likely know that it's different and unique from the way other's speak. I recently figured out (Thanks for my love of twitter and following Fact accounts) That there's actually a name for it. It's called "Rhotacism"

Rhotacism is the inability or difficulty in pronouncing the sound R. The most common way, the way I do it, is pronouncing it as a W. The most difficult things is, I can in fact make the R sound, it's just my mind cannot tell the difference from me pronouncing the W from the R.


Of course, I pronounce it Whotacism. Oh, the irony of it.
(That's a fact jack!)

((Sorry, I had two Coffees. You can all thank MOR for that))

(HEY, I'M COMPLETELY FINE!)

((Say's the girl who is talking to herself))

(...FINE! *Slams imaginary door*)

((Welp....))

Back on topic.

As a girl who constantly got asked to repeat the sentence (Talking fast and a lack of R's, are not a good combination) When I was younger, and still to this day, I did become self conscious about it.
Also, playing Computer games and being constantly told that you are a 9 year old boy when in fact you were  a 12 year-old girl, didn't help much. I only had one person I knew that did make fun of me. And he quickly stopped ....after my brother had hit him.
(He knew I had a older brother telling him to stop. Yet, he didn't make the connection.)


But, I am 16 now and much has changed. I talk the same but I love it. It's unique and many people have told me how cute it is. There is day's where I wish I had a different voice or that I don't constantly trip over my words but I just reminds myself, I know no one else like this, And I'm the real life Elmer Fudd. (but a girl, obviously)

I have guns. Now, I need to go wabbit hunting.


So, I'm left handed and can't say my R's.
I'm freaking unique.

I like being out of the box.
because box's are small.
and you can't live in one...

Sincerely, the girl with a complex mind.

You are important and loved.

About Halo (The Game)

If you know me then you probably know I love the Sc-Fi game called "Halo" I'm a bit obsessed with it. I love the books and anything to do with it. When people ask me what it's about, I tell them it's too long to explain and to just Google it. This is a game that really isn't about one thing. The Halo universe is so big! So to those who don't know much about it or want to learn more, then this is for you
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The majority of the game is about a guy named "Master chief". That is his rank. He is "Master Chief Petty Officer, John-117"
You maybe wondering why he has"117" at the end of his name. That is because he is a Spartan II.

Spartan II's where kidnapped by the military at the age of 6, replaced with a flashed clone who couldn't speak or do anything but live (Until they died within a couple of months because they degrade quickly)
They took 75 Kids and they put them through very harsh training, until they were 14. At 14 they went through a series of argumentation's where they enhanced just about everything. Eye sight, Reflexes, Strength, Growth, ability to run or think more clearly.
That process's killed 30 and 12 suffered from deformities. only 33 survived the procedures with no physiological deformities.
they were trained to suppress there emotions. Simply hugging or shaking hands is very odd for them.

They address the Spartan as there number. There were originally 175 canidiates for the program. The observed them and figured out which they wanted to take. John was number 117 so he was stuck with this number, So were the rest of the II's.


The game's are about Master chief fighting the aliens known as the Covenant.
In the first game they crash land on a ring shaped planet called 'Halo' In the beginning they have no idea what this thing is, but over time they figure out that an ancient alien race,(Forerunners)  far greater then the covenant created it. If it is activated then it will wipe out all life for trillions of light years. (In other words, you're screwed no matter how far you travel) And they have to stop them from doing it.

Along the way the Covenant releases Zombie like being's called "The Flood" They use there sharp tentacle like things to enter your skin and into your body, taking you over and learning things by going through you're mind and memories. (It's extremely pain for and you don't always die from it.) So if you are a pilot then they can learn how to fly by going through your mind.
They take over your body and mind and also can mutate your body to have claws and stuff. As the body decades over time, they are able to do more things and mutate it even more to where it is unrecognizable as a human.

That is why these 'Forerunners' Created the Halo. Because the only way to kill them all off is to wipe out there food source.

At the end of the first game, Master chief and his A.I. companion end up destroying the Halo.Thinking they wiped out all of the Flood. but what they don't know is there is 6 more installations (Halo's) that are spread out through the Galaxy. And the flood as been released on all of them.

Halo 2 is when the covenant end up finding Earth.
before they were trying to locate Earth but never found it. They found tons of other planets and Glassed them (Basically shooting big beams of plasma at it and burning everything making it lifeless)
They had glassed about every planet but Earth, so when they found it, everyone thought that the war was over, they were screwed.

But the Spartans continued to fight and some of the covenant ended up retreating (Which Chief followed) but they weren't retreating at all. They had found another Halo. During the the time that Chief was on the second Halo one of the covenant member's ( An elite as the Humans called them) started to rebel against them. Eventually He teamed up with a marine to help stop the covenant from activating it. Master Chief then destroyed it the second time. Leaving his A.I (Cortana) Behind telling her he will comeback back to find her, in which she replied

"Don't make a girl a promise, you know you can't keep"

He left on a Forerunner ship that he found out the covenant we using. Ending with Lord Hood asking him what he was doing on that ship and he replied; "Sir, Finishing this fight" 

At the very end of the credits there is a extra scene. Showing Cortana on High Charity (Which is basically the covenants mother ship that was on Halo at the time it blew up)

She is talking to a Grave Mind. (A grave mind is the leader of the flood. There is only one Grave Mind at a time. a Grave Mind is created when a Flood takes over so many beings that it has the mind of millions. It is quite intelligent)

He talks to her saying "Silence fills the empty grave, now that I have gone. But my mind is not at rest, for questions linger on. I will ask, and you will answer"
And she reply's with "Alright, shoot" and then it ends.


Now onto Halo 3. The Arbiter (That Elite) and Master Chief have teamed up. Most of the Elites have teamed up with the Humans to beat the covenant.

As they fight the Covenant, chief get's these brief messages from Cortana at random times. They usually make no sense. Just a quick thing of her showing up and saying something and it ends.

As the go on they see High Charity crash land onto Earth, bringing the flood with it, and Cortana. They covenant activate a portal on Earth that was created by the Forerunners, leading to a thing called the "Ark" Which controls all the Halo's. He needs Cortana  who has a key (Index) From the first Halo that will activate it. whoever is on the Ark when they activate the Halo will survive. So they make the decision to activate the Halo's too kill the flood.


He heads towards High Charity to find her. He eventually does and she had basically gone mad.
The Grave Mind had messed with her so much and she went part Rampant. ( When an A.I basically goes nuts from thinking so much. They usually only last 7 years, tops.)

Together they go to activate the First Halo, which is on the Ark.
Since it was destroyed, these monitors were re-building another Halo, the same as the first, on the Ark.

It is so new that when they activate it, it begins to fall apart. They rush to get to there ship called "Forward Unto Dawn" The make it just in time. But that portal back to Earth is now closing. Only half of the ship (which had the Arbiter on it) Makes it. The other half gets stranded in the middle of space. Millions of light years away from anyone. So now Chief and the slowly going Rampant A.I are loss'd. Chief goes into Cryo sleep while She watched over them and sends out a beacon, hoping someone to one find them.

Back at Earth they have won the fight against both the Covenant and the Flood. They hold a celebration and a memorial to the ones who lost there lives, including chief. (He is listed MIA and assumed dead)

And it ends.

At least we think.... 4 years later he is found and Halo 4 begins.

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I would have gone into more detail about the books and stuff but this was more focused on the games. This is a somewhat brief summary. I still had many things to explain and could have gone into more detail but I am tired.

Hurts

It's hard for me to stay mad at people that I care about. Even if they did or said something very wrong and hurtful.

They way I look at people is, they all have a good side to them. And they all have hurts.

Whether minor or big.
Those hurts stick with you and your subconscious mind acts a certain way to make sure that, that hurt doesn't happen again. Like a barrier.

So when people act out to me or something I do get upset or mad but instead of blowing a top and arguing with them, I sit there and talk to them. Tell them how that was rude or mean and explain to them how they can fix it.


People do they things they do for a reason. It can be because of the past or a current situation.

We have to be there for them to help them and get them on the right path.


Sincerely, the girl with a complex mind.